Thursday, February 12, 2015

Surviving a Long Distance Relationship

Let's get this out of the way: we met online. I've always worked mostly alone, and picking up guys from bars didn't seem like the smartest thing in the world. Coyote Ugly anyone? So, my prospects post college were slim. I had a college sweetheart, if you will, and once you're out of those big social settings, it's slim pickins. hahahahaaa. So, we met online. We dated on and off for about a year, going back and forth (Northern KY to Indy). One day on my way back to Indianapolis, he called me and asked to make it official.,..I panicked. I knew deep down that if we made it official, I would be the one to move. He had a better paying job, and I was simply doing what I loved, making a measly paycheck. So, things kind of ended. He would text me occasionally. Sometimes I would text back, other times I wouldn't, but I was always short with him. I was a biiiitch LOL.

Well, in the summer of 2013, I went to Jason Aldean with my best friend, and Nathan came up for the weekend. He got a hotel, I told him I had plans. The concert venue was a good hour and half to two hours away from where he was staying. I kept saying I was on my way. He began thinking I wasn't going to show. My phone started to die, and ultimately died when I got to his hotel. So, as I sat in the lobby, drunk, charging my phone, praying the Front Desk Clerk didn't call the cops on me, (lol), he came down. We did not have sex that night. I'm not one to have drunk sloppy sex (TMI?). When he left the next day, we were officially together, officially boyfriend and girlfriend, and I haven't looked back.

LONG DISTANCE IS HARD.

We went back to seeing each other as often as we could on the weekends, one traveling to see the other. When he had vacation at work, I always went down for the entire week. We'd do all sorts of things: Newport Aquarium, going to the River, country drives on Sundays, Reds games. We both love baseball. He's taken me to tons of local spots. We went to MainStrausse one day, which is a little German area in Newport. He's your A-typical "man's man," though. Our first Valentine's Day in 2014, he didn't even realize it was Valentine's Day (we'd both been single for several years). I think that was our first big blow out. I was being your A-typical girl about the situation. I've always sent him cards to just let him know I'm thinking about him. When I'd leave his place in Kentucky, I'd always leave a letter behind. Once, I left about 25 little heart shaped notes around his place for him to find periodically until I saw him again. I was out of the country once for his birthday, and had a whole care package sent to him. When he opened the box, a banner fell down "Happy Birthday!" and I also included cake, which I baked inside mason jars to retain their freshness. We talked and texted every single day. If you want to make it work, it will work. We celebrated our first anniversary in October of 2014, and I moved in January 2015. So far, we're both still alive. So, I'd say it's going well.

There were weekends that I had planned to visit him and I got called into work at the last minute. I was furious. He works 6 days a week. So, he was unable to come up and see me for a whole weekend. He could only make day trips on his one day off. Most of our fights centered around not seeing each other. When you can recognize this, and that's your main issue, it's easy to deal with as time goes on. It never gets easy to be apart from someone that you love, but you do learn to deal with it. Jealousy has never been issue. If it is, I recommend ending the relationship. Jealousy doesn't look good on anybody. Jealousy to me is just your own insecurities. If you're insecure, you're not ready for a relationship. If you're jealous in a long distance relationship, that shit is going to go down in flames.

Moving In
We had been together for over 2 years (dating on and off for one, and officially over a year) before we moved in. I had gotten laid off from my job in late 2014, and everyone kept saying, go to KY, you'll find a job there, and you can be with him. If you get a job here, you're just going to push back the date that you can be together. So, I bit the bullet. I have never been happier. We went on our first road trip to Denver together, and we're planning a mountain getaway in 2016. Yeeee!!!

It Works If You Work It
Every relationship is hard. It's work. If your relationship is easy, lucky you, but most of them take work and dedication. Shit happens, bad shit happens, and you have to support each other through the good times and the bad. I find it ironic (and I've only recently noticed this) but Nathan is always "keep your head up, things will get better," when I feel like my world is crashing, and I have to say the SAME THING to him when he's stressed out. Guess we should just take our own advice and life would be easier? I definitely wouldn't have moved over 100 miles (not much compared to other LDR's), if I didn't see a future with this man. Compromise is KEY. And what you might not compromise on at that very moment, I bet you will later on down the line. Don't walk out on the other one. Maybe this is a pet peeve/hatred of my own, but I absolutely can not stand when a guy gets pissed off and leaves. That solves nothing, and it makes me (maybe just me) feel completely abandoned.

I recently read an article that it's ok to go to bed angry. I still let Nathan hold me when we do this (maybe twice?), and eventually I fake sleep and snuggle him back. The article talked about how being exhausted at 3am, and trying to argue only makes things worse, and it's somewhat right. I've been there with Nathan. When I can't even think straight and we're trying to argue/come to a conclusion. I'm just getting more angry  because I'm grumpy and tired hahaha. When you wake up, was the fight even worth it? Usually not.

Conclusion
1. LDR's are tough & A LOT OF WORK
2. Send cute little things to each other in the mail. Surprises are nice for everyone.
3. Leave notes behind when you leave!!!
4. Go to bed angry if you have too
5. Realize that ultimately one will have to sacrifice and move.

xo,
*Dee*

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